|||

Death and rebirth is the name of the game. Rising, only to fall, only to rise again; life and death, victory and defeat, expansion contraction – the lungs of the totality.

I stand on a mountain of dead selves. I wonder if I would be recognizable to my youth(s); that 12 year old evangelical fundamentalist, the softboy agnostic 20 something terrified of giving offense, the martyr trying to hold his marriage together thinking someday, someday maybe soon things could or would finally click.

Perhaps I’m being hyperbolic, but it really does feel like I’ve already lived (sans any kind of reincarnation or past life framework) a hundred lifetimes already.

And I believe I may live a hundred more before I’m done.

Dialing back the metaphor a tad, perhaps these personal deaths’ are more akin to a hermit crab vacating an old shell to inhabit one that fits better. There is a through line, a being I can gesture towards even as it grows. Yet much of it’s capabilities, much of the way it moves through the world is determined by the temporary carapace it is borrowing– an interface in conversation with the environment and the other shell growing creatures… bodies & blood now dead and dust, only the persistence of grooved calcite remaining to give shape to some other creature.

The shell, now, fits me well. I still have space to grow within it, I’m still figuring out where I can/can’t move to in this season. But I feel safe, I feel in right relation with it all. Time to grow, forage, fight, retreat, and create all anew.

Same as it ever was.

Same as it will ever be.

Up next The Grooves I used to suffer from optimization sickness. Whatever I was doing, I thought I could do it better. Whatever I accompished, I thought I could do Time's Garden Time used to be different. We used to make time with the animals and plants. Spring was when daffodils bloomed, which varied year to year as we
Latest posts Learning to Travel IMG 20240616 203949 896 IMG 20240616 203950 042 IMG 20240616 203950 549 IMG 20240616 203950 395 IMG 20240616 203949 767 IMG 20240616 203950 526 IMG 20240616 203950 484 IMG 20240616 203949 821 IMG 20240616 203949 946 IMG 20240616 203950 337 IMG 20240602 145302 892 IMG 20240602 145303 088 IMG 20240602 145302 987 IMG 20240602 145303 255 IMG 20240602 145303 838 IMG 20240602 145303 346 IMG 20240602 145303 622 IMG 20240602 145303 118 IMG 20240602 145303 474 IMG 20240602 145303 174 Sack Race Southwest Sky Pappy & Zoltar Travel Center What Are You Willing to Risk Cadillac Ranch Party Time! Playing in Downtown Dallas Fireworks Raven Sticker